About Intimate and/or Sexual Relationships – Part 6
When Two Become One… Joined at the Hip
Haven’t I heard that somewhere before? RED FLAG!
Old school, maybe, but we’ve definitely become familiar with the saying, ‘when two become one’. Another familiar saying is: ‘joined at the hip’. You might think, cute, sweet, how wonderful that sounds, but the reality is… that philosophy is… a relationship destroyer. Maybe not today, maybe not when you first think it or say it, but on down the road, being up someone’s ass after a certain amount of times can get extremely uncomfortable, or… painful. Yikes!
However, there is a lot of truth in the saying: ‘too close for comfort’ and ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Have you ever wondered where those saying came from? I realize when your love is new, or your chemistry is on fire, that’s how you may feel, thinking: OMG, I want to be with him (or her) every minute of the day and night. I applaud your feelings and celebrate your reasoning… for now. But for most couples, that need and desire will eventually wane down to another level. I say eventually, giving most couples the benefit of the doubt, but for other couples, the need to be joined at the hip may end more quickly, even abruptly.
People Require Space to Breathe.
Individuals need to be just that… individuals. Each of us has our own uniqueness, character, talents and gifts. A person can lose the sight and significance of their own being and identity if they are tied up too tightly to someone else – unless you’re in an erotic bondage situation, of course.
Everyone has the power and privilege to shine on his/her own merit, without having to be ‘joined at the hip’ with someone else. It’s not emotionally healthy. You can lose yourself effectively by thinking, ‘he’s/she’s my whole life; I cannot bear to be away from him/her; I don’t want him/her out of my sight’.
All well and good, for now, but time, circumstances and events change everything and they will change you to a degree or two, also. If someone wants to keep close tabs on you at all times, there is a critical problem. Trust issues come to mind. The trust issue is of gigantic proportions and we’ll discuss that later. But for now, just bear in mind that if you or someone you love demands constant company and fifty calls a day when you are not home, you may be involved with a seasoned control freak. Don’t take that lightly, unless you’re on the same page – and then I would ask you ‘why’?
In my perspective, I enjoy someone’s company much more if there are significant time lapses between our times together. Many couples, maybe most, don’t agree with this philosophy and I understand that. That’s a shame the way I look at it, because how many couples are truly happy and content with their partner? If the whole truth was known, most couples could not commit to describing their relationship as ‘truly happy and content’. Folks, listen up. There’s a reason(s) this is true. Do people even dare tell their partners how they truly feel? That’s a scary thought and their privately disclosed answers might shock you.
Take a breather here and there away from your partner. Do things by yourself, enjoy your own company, work on your hobby, enjoy your favorite sport, go shopping or out to lunch with a friend (a genuine, trusted friend who only has your happiness and well-being at heart, not one who is eager to ruin your relationship). When money or an injury is a problem, there are other ways to ‘take a break’. Take a book, puzzle or laptop out to the patio or into the study for a few hours of quiet time. Take a sandwich with you to the park or the beach and enjoy nature for a few hours, or take in an afternoon matinee at the nearby theater; walk briskly inside, around a mall for some cardio with visuals, or window shop at an antique mall. It’s not uncommon for me to spend a couple of hours in a bookstore, many times over three or four hours, but then I have a passion for books and research.
The point I’m making here is that in order to keep your individuality, preserve your sanity, and help protect your relationship from becoming mind-numbing, stale and boring, there are certain healthy, harmless, interesting things you can do for yourself. It will keep you in a more positive, energized state of mind and a more exciting, refreshing person to be with.