Relationship Destroyers – Part Seven

Relationship Destroyers – About Intimate and/or Sexual Relationships:



We think about sex, infidelity, money, and lots of other things when we talk about relationship destroyers.  We also put the blame on mental cruelty and other abusive relationships.  Have we ever gone deep down into the mire of mixed emotions?

This Blog will be to the point about the major human condition that is likely to rule our personal world and predispose us for an imbalance in life.  I’m referring to suffering. Some of you might be thinking “enough said”, Dr. Grenci, ’cause I know all about suffering.  And I’ll agree with you, that you do.  We all do.  If you haven’t, I’m going to think you do not belong to our species, so where are you from?

I’m prepared to open a huge can of emotional worms here today. This discussion is not about being negative or trying to upset anyone.  This discussion is purely for the purpose of facing reality…. yes, the mute point underneath and on top of all this is – reality.  I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, or even read this article, but if you are interested in hearing about every fact and facet, every layer, depth, detail, and dimension of relationship destroyers, then you might want to relate to this.  We’re going to dig deeply and thoroughly into the emotion of suffering, so hold onto your hat, here we go.

Most couples go blindly into relationships bound by the new romance/limerence.  Limerence, (for those who aren’t familiar with the term) according to Wikipedia’s definition is:
“Limerence (also infatuated love) is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.”

Entering into relationships is new and exciting for most people, but I feel everyone should know about all the factors that can lead a relationship into disaster after the newness wears off.  So today, I’m going to elaborate on the dynamics and reality of human suffering.  Everyone has experienced it in one or many ways.

Suffering is all about emotional pain, and below is a list of the emotional pains we endure during a relationship (or not), some of them singly and others collectively:
Anxiety, depression, jealousy, envy, humiliation/embarrassment, fear, anticipation, worry, sorrow, grief, loss, anger, abuse, rejection, loneliness, hatred, self-loathing, also, all emotions involved with physical pain.
You may have guessed by now where this is going.  If not, I will explain. Romantic or love relationships are extremely difficult, hell, ALL relationships are a pain in the ass at times, because we’re all human.  We are humans with raw emotions to deal with, with each other and that’s difficult enough in and of itself, but that’s not the heaviest burden of it.

As I see it, our lives and relationships embrace a balancing act, trying to stay balanced on a tight rope of sorts.  We have the constant chore and conflict in which to balance out our emotions to stay sane, level headed, positive and inspired in order to be mentally healthy and productive – for starters.  Let’s dig a little deeper.  Keeping this balance isn’t easy by any means of reality.  This is where humans can lose sight of what’s happening, get caught up in a fragmentation before they realize it, or lose their way completely.

For example, let’s pretend our personal psyche is like an onion.  Let’s imagine our emotions are the multi-layers of skin on an onion, and each of those layers of skin represent one of the following emotions of the 16 Dynamics of Suffering: anxiety, depression, jealousy, envy, humiliation/embarrassment, fear, anticipation, worry, sorrow/grief, loss, anger, abuse, rejection, loneliness, hatred, self-loathing, all emotions involved with physical pain.  Let’s start peeling away the layers of skin on that onion. Are you still with me? Okay then, during a relationship, how many of the above emotions have you had to deal with both voluntarily or involuntarily during a relationship?  How many of those emotions have put pressure on your relationship?  How many of those emotions have caused dissension, arguments or resentment?  How many of those emotions either with you OR your partner, or both of you, have been responsible for a break-up or a divorce?  How many of you have experienced a love-hate relationship?

Now, let’s take a look at that whole picture.  Look at all of the human emotions we have to deal with while trying to maintain a well-balanced relationship! That being said, the other dynamics and reality of emotions concerning human relationships are: love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.  Let’s call the center of the onion, the positive and essential core of life which embraces: love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.

It’s safe to say we are forced to deal with trying to balance the negative with the positive, some of the 16 Dynamics of Suffering – with the 7 Positive Dynamics of Relationships: love, sex, pleasure, romance, happiness, health, and fun/excitement.

This is a huge problem, people. Suffering on any or every level is a problem. I’m using suffering as the umbrella term to include all the emotional pains.

Suffering appears to be at constant war and conflict with the few delightful emotions we possess.  Consequently, in many relationships, the human condition of “suffering”, for whatever reason(s), outweighs, and wins over the love and happiness features.  It’s sometimes a frightful and disturbing contest of emotions.  It appears in most circumstances that the odds (of emotional suffering) are stacked against us before we embark on a new relationship.

This is just one perspective, my perspective of why it’s difficult to maintain a successful relationship and how the emotions involving “suffering” can be relationship destroyers. I welcome all your opinions.
(to be continued in Part 8)



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