My non-conformist years of rebellion were starting to take a toll on me. I was still refined at heart but remarkably immature. I was about to enter a world which would conflict with everything I had been taught as a child and all the values which were inbred in me. Had I also been programmed for alternative lifestyles? Up through my twenties I was still quite naive in some respects, and I surely wasn’t aware there was an underground subculture which would defy all the principles of my childhood up-bringing, as well as challenge my character and community status. By all social norms, this new lifestyle, this new profession would mock that old-fashioned ideology and all the disciplines and protocol that went with it.
It must have been in the cards? Soon, I would become known as a Professional Dominatrix. I would be asked if I was a witch or a fortune teller. I would also been referred to as “the Larry Flint” of the BDSM community. What most people didn’t know is that around the time of this complex transition in 1979, I experienced a spiritual awakening which was quite confusing. I really didn’t know what was happening at the time, but as I look back, I would define it as “a calling”. Yes, most definitely, a calling. I actually felt a transition. I will explain.
Complete strangers started to approach me in public places to seek my advice, pour out their hearts or to unload their problems. I saw in their eyes and heard in their tone of voice they were seeking compassion, understanding…. acceptance. I didn’t become concerned about those incidents until people such as local service men, friends of my parents and parents of my friends started initiating the same kind of conversations with me. Whew. It was mind-boggling.
It became obvious that I was attracting the attention from people with something a lot more deep than my looks or personality. I believe they were drawn to my aura… those people who could sense there was something unusual about me. Their radar senses told them I was different from the rest. They were drawn to me without realizing how or why, and it appeared they were under some kind of spell when they were in my presence.
That’s when I started to realize there was an essence of power, allure and influence I had on certain people. I saw that I had a natural ability to help people, to heal them in a matter of speaking, but merely by talking to them. It must be my voice and my demeanor that was soothing and comforting. I would claim to be a hands-on healer, but there are other sources from which healing is possible. I discovered I was someone who possessed incredible empathy and could help and heal through deep conversation, an understanding and touching of the heart. I pondered what was going on prior to this revelation, and I recognized to myself, I had tried on numerous occasions to make things better for someone, to make it “OK”, even with only a few words, a smile, or a compliment. I felt I had missed this sort of affection and understanding as a child. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to give others the attention and understanding that I knew was so vital to our existence.
My gift to sense things and feel things beyond the norm, to see deeper into situations than most other people was disconcerting. Through the years I’ve observed how often it has astonished others as well as me. It may have been this predestined spiritual strength which made me different from the other children, so different they felt uncomfortable around me. Maybe that spiritual strength was what carried me through those traumatic years as a child and armored me for the years of tribulation as an adult? I was far beyond the norm and scantily prepared to venture into a world that most people had never heard of.
Later, much later, a psychiatrist would confirm that I had navigated into a world of the bizarre and the super natural. My only saving grace was that my child-self had been thoroughly blessed with an undefined, inexplicable spirituality, but nevertheless, something surreal which would identify with the bizarre of my new found position as a dominatrix. But there was something about this bizarre dimension which I wouldn’t be prepared for. A complete explanation unfolds in QUEEN OF DOMINATION: MY SECRET LIFE.